Breakdown?

Something seems to have gone wrong in my brain.  I came home from my day off yesterday, and as soon as I stepped through the front door I actually felt the foul mood enter my soul.  I snapped at Kev as soon as I saw him, and the poor guy hadn't done anything wrong.  I went to bed in a foul mood, and it was still there when I got up.  I have spent the morning so far screaming at the kids, and they haven't done anything wrong.  Instead of making the most of the day with them I have launched myself into some deep cleaning, pulling sofas out and hoovering under them and behind them and inside them!  I have blamed the kids for my bad mood, and I have told them that I am sick of them making so much mess for me to clean up every day.  They are looking bewildered.

So I thought I'd come and write it all down, see if I could exorcise it.

Oh my goodness!  I am actually feeling a little bit better because my children have just come up to see where I am, and each one of them hugged me and told me that they love me!!!  Why would they do that, when I'm so evil?  They need to be kept away from me for their own sanity and safety, because I'm unstable today.  But still they love me.  That's special, that is.

I'm not used to feeling so bad.  I wonder what I can do to eradicate the feeling completely.  My kids have made the anger disappear, but now I am still feeling guilt and a bit of sadness.  I will go and find something fun to do with Thomas, James and Matthew and maybe that will work.  I know that I don't need to poison myself with guilt, because I'm just having a bad day and I haven't done it on purpose.  I am now going to forgive myself and try to move on.

Ommmmmmmmmm.  There, forgiven.

I think I am feeling a build up of lots of little niggly things, and my pot of crappiness has filled up to the top and overflowed a bit.  I think I have some issues and problems to deal with - obviously the best thing to do is deal with them, rather than sweep them under the carpet.  I will make a list this evening, and will probably feel refreshed after that.

Is this my first negative post, ever?  Well, it had to happen at some point.  Let's hope it's the last for a long time.  I don't like feeling negative, it doesn't suit me, and it definitely does not suit my lime green Docs.

Zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

Merry Christmas everyone!

I finally got around to getting my last Christmas present this morning.  Kev gave me a cute little home-made voucher for a pair of Doc Marten's for Christmas, and I only just cashed it in.

My docs are this colour.

Actually, they're not.  This photo doesn't get the colour across properly.  They're much more luminous!  Not to everyone's taste by any means, but that's good.  I wouldn't want everyone wearing the same shoes as me, because then I wouldn't be so special :D

It was between these and a pair of shiny pink ones.  The shiny pink ones were on offer, but I knew I would love the green more in the long run.  Maybe I'll save up and get the pink ones too!  Of course, they probably won't be on offer any more, once I've managed to save up.

 
This still doesn't show you the real colour.  How strange.  Well, you'll just have to come and see them for yourself.  I'm sure you'll hate them, but that's alright.

It's going to be marvellous to not get wet feet when it rains now :)  I've been walking around in holey shoes for months, and my toes have been freezing all Winter!

Day Off tomorrow :D :D :D :D :D   I am not to be disturbed.  I am doing some major editing on my manuscript, and hope to have made some good progress with it by the end of the day.  If you see me in Starbucks you must keep the niceties to a minimum and then bugger off :D

Have a good weekend all.

Wonders of the Universe

I have just finished watching Wonders of the Universe, presented by the inimitable Professor Brian Cox. As per usual, as per my viewing of Wonders of the Solar System, my mind has been blown, and I have done some good crying at the beauty and amazingness of everything.  Staggering stuff, and humbling indeed.  The bit that made me blub in the end was when he showed us the photo taken from Voyager 1, in 1990, of our planet from billions of kilometres out in space.  Ohhhhh, we are so tiny, and so alone.  The first photo here shows Earth, circled.  That's us, in 1990, shot through by a sunbeam.  Can you see yourself?  I think I can see our house, and I can tell its ours because our car's parked on the drive.

These others are just stunning pictures taken by Hubble.  Enjoy :)

Nothing like some sense from Prof Brian to give life some perspective and meaning.  I always feel uplifted by the things he says.

New hobby

The gatehouse.

Do you like my latest project?  I've found a new hobby.  I have found that I could quite happily allow myself to be addicted to cardboard cut-out models.  I made two very small ones earlier in the year, and just found it to be so relaxing and unwinding.  I get my tools ready, my good pair of big, sharp kitchen scissors, my cutting board, my craft knife and my fast drying PVA glue, and my fingers are practically itching to start.  I tell you, all of a sudden I understand why some people find so much pleasure in an air-fix kit.  It's such a simple joy: to create something, but without the responsibility of the planning and designing - the thing being created has already been tried and tested, and definitely will fit together perfectly, it cannot go wrong.  This is what I find so calming about it.  There is no stress involved, because there is no danger of pieces being missing, new bits needing to be made, sections not fitting together.  I think it cardboard cut-out models could be used as therapy for anyone who needs to learn how to relax and enjoy doing something for no good reason other than the fact that it makes them happy.

The piece that I am working on now is a big medieval castle.  It has cut-out figures, and the boys will be able to play with it when it's finished.  I'll be happy for them to play with it, because I know they will take care of it - actually they will be in awe of it, and it will be their favourite toy for a while :)  (We're a very old-fashioned little family in lots of ways - do you know, we even eat our evening meal at the table, with the TV off, and we all talk to each other about our day?!  Amazing eh?)

This bit here is the inside of the gatehouse, all dark and mysterious.  I think it looks pretty good.   I just hope that all of this very pretty insides can be seen once the castle is all finished.   It would be a shame for them to be hidden.

Eh?  Eh?  I know, it's gorgeous isn't it?  I know.  Just wait until you see the whole castle finished, you're going to be amazed, truly.  That tiny portcullis that you can see there, actually lifts up, to reveal the doors that actually open.

Here are my tools, minus my cutting board, which I forgot to put in the shot - I'll put it in next time.  I'm supposed to also use a ruler, for any cutting or scoring that I do with the craft knife.  But I don't like to use a ruler, as I find that the knife seems to be repelled by it and I end up going off the line anyway - I find that I make a neater line if I just do the job freehand.  The ruler also gets in the way, and I can't really see what I'm doing properly.

Can you see the dreadful accident that occurred, evidence of which is in this photo above?  Well, in the piece of wall, with an arch in it, that's just to the left of the craft knife?  I cut right through that wall by accident - I was cutting out a piece on the next page, and thought that it was strange that this particular piece of card seemed to be so much thicker than the others.  It was then, with horror, that I realised I had cut right through a wall :(  What an idiot.  I hadn't even done my first bit of gluing at that point.  But No matter, I'll bravely continue.  I'm going to fix the broken wall back together with tape on the underside - it won't be seen, fortunately, because it's a hidden underside.  Phew!  It could have been a lot worse.

More photos when I've done the next bit.  I bet you just can't wait!

I have a first draft almost complete.  Mm-hmm, yes I do.  I don't quite know how it managed to get so finished, because I really haven't spent all that much time on it.  But there we are.  Of course, it needs a lot more work to make it presentable.  The beginning and the end are quite good, but the whole of the middle (probably about 40,000 words) is rubbish.  But at least it's all there, and there's plenty to work on.  So I've just had a very brief search for literary agents, and I found two that seem suitable straight away.  They both prefer to accept submissions by email, which suits me.  I'll try one of them first and see if I get anywhere.  I suppose it depends on what they're looking for at the time, as much as anything else.  (Obviously it also depends on whether or not my book is any good - it might well be awful, but how would I know, since I'm too close to it?!)

That's pretty much all I have to say about that.  I'm actually quite excited (I know it's difficult to tell from my tone), but I still have a lot of work to do, so I'm not getting carried away.  But I think it was a good thing to take a look at the agents' websites, because it's given me a sort of internal timetable.  I'd like to have something ready to submit in a month or two.

In other writing, I have been very lazy.  I have published a few hubs (see right) and they've been moderately well received.  I don't know whether or not it is really worth my while writing hubs, whether I will actually gain anything from them, but I love to do them.  And I suppose I am producing a body of work that an agent can take a look at if they want to.

Ooh, a visitor has arrived.  Ta ta.

 

Half term is lovely

The Museum of Museums at Trafford Park was very, very good.  Thomas nearly exploded when he saw Tutankhamun's death mask (replica, pictured above).  His class have been learning about Ancient Egypt, so this was a real treat for them to be able to see what the treasures from the pharaoh's tomb actually looked like.  I was pretty blown away myself, even though I've been to Egypt and have seen the Valley of the Kings and the Queens, and the Temple of Karnak.  There was no treasure to be seen in Luxor, since all of the grave goods are now kept in Cairo.  It was wonderful, even though the exhibits in Manchester were replicas, to see the detail of the engravings on every surface of gold.  The hieroglyphs are so clear, so neat, just exquisite.  What I wouldn't give for that time machine just now, to go back and watch these pieces being made.  The death mask was incredible, the coffins that it was hidden inside, the shrines that the coffins were hidden inside - the whole set up was like a truly massive Russian doll!

They were nested, like so:

1-4 were the shrines, I believe, and 5 was a stone box, and b-d were the coffins.  Go and have a look on Google Images and Wikipedia if you want to get a better idea of the wonders that we saw.  Sadly, I am a pillock, and forgot to take my camera.  I was more excited about the prospect of getting to spend a whole day with Thomas with no little brothers around taking up all my attention :)  Completely forgot, until we got there, that we would be seeing some highly photographable objects.  My friend Sara did take some photos, and her daughter Abi was very good at telling me where each god and goddess was represented, so it may be that I will have more photos to show later in the week.

The rest of the week will provide nothing so exciting to report.  The boys are now poorly, with random feverishness, and we are having a few lazy days.  Playmobil is the plaything of choice today.  Tomorrow it may be Lego.  We did visit the Lego shop at the Trafford Centre, but apart from little Lego figure keyrings, we did manage to resist buying anything.  It was all so deliciously tempting - I think I was more excited than Thomas!  I REALLY wanted to buy some Harry Potter and Star Wars Lego.  But the boys were spoilt enough over Christmas, and we have no money left.  The boys are getting used to this being said: 'you can't have everything you want' :)

Sorry it's all a bit boring at our house at the moment.  Well, we're not bored, but we're not doing anything that's interesting to talk about.  We might bake a cake this afternoon.  Maybe not.  Who cares.  We might just watch films ALL day.

I'm not complaining or anything, perfectly and blissfully happy and excited about the future, as always; but I wouldn't mind a bit of sunshine and warmth now.  Come on Spring, I'm ready.

Happy New Year!!!

Hello there, my lovely friends.  How I've missed you!

My computer is back, but it is not repaired to my satisfaction.  Or rather, it is repaired, but it has sustained additional damage in the form of many scratches to the lid - the engineer who carried out the repair must have caused this damage.  I am making a complaint about this, but I do not think that I will get any more than a letter of apology (if I'm lucky).  I think the insurance company are going to dig their heels in and refuse to sort this out properly.  Therefore, I am going to name and shame.  Our insurance is with Direct Line, who use Direct Validation Services as a middle man, who in turn use OLogic for computer repairs.  If you don't want your laptop to come back covered in scratches - scratches which were not there when you sent it away - then steer clear of these three companies.  :)  Should I also name the actual engineer?

But how are you all?  How was your January, and half of February?  Tired, are you?  Yes, everyone I've seen or spoken to in the last few weeks has been yawning, and looked decidedly bleary eyed.  The sun came out this morning, but it disappear again, and I think it will be a while before we see it properly.  January usually doesn't bother me, and I usually enjoy it as a fresh start and a month full of potential.  But this year it was a bit crap, frankly.  

But that is not like me, so let me find some good things that happened in January.  

• I recovered from the stomach flu that I had had over Christmas.  Yes, that was a good thing.  
• James had his birthday, and a super party at The Zone, where we all got to play and have millions of fun.  
• Some buds were seen on some plants in the garden - is that a bit early?  
• The birds came back to our garden, because we remembered to feed them again!
• We played with Lego quite a lot.
• We enjoyed watching MANY, MANY films because the weather's been quite rubbish, and honestly, we just felt like being lazy for a while.
• Oh, I almost forgot, I wrote 50,000 words in the NaNoWriMo spirit and styleee!  (If you want to read about that process you can look at my Hub, at http://hubpages.com/profile/Lady+Wordsmith)
• I did not spend very much money because I have to save up as much as possible this year.
• I have to save up as much as possible this year, because I enrolled on the MA in English with the Open University :D :D :D  (Starts in October, plenty of time to get the reading done.)

So, one or two things in January that were quite good.  Actually, looking back, all in all, it was a pretty successful month, and I don't know what I've been moping about!  Shame on me.  February has proved, so far, to be a bit flatter, because I've had too long a creative rest after that 50,000 words.  Probably, I should not have had a rest at all, and I should have gone on to write another 50,000 words.  That was my intention, but one night off turned into two nights off turned into a week off.  Shocking really.  I really am so lazy, given a just-open-a-tiny-sliver-sash-window-of-opportunity.

Off to do some work then.  Still got two child-free hours of my morning left, better fill it with something good and productive.

Nice to be back - hope not to see you too much though!  I've enjoyed being computerless, it's been liberating :)

I'm going to be rich!

Here it is, confirmation of my first day's earnings from my AdSense account:

I'm so pleased!  Riches are coming to me, of that I am absolutely certain.  Within the next week, I could, potentially, have earned... seven pence!  By this time next year, I may well, if my luck holds, have earned £3.65.  Now that will be something to celebrate, and provided that inflation hasn't gone too crazy, I might be able to buy myself a drink with those earnings.

Playmobil is ace

Come on, I mean, how cute is Playmobil these days?  Seriously cute.  I was playing with Matthew yesterday, emptying all of the big stuff out of the Playmobil box, and looking for the teeny things in the bottom that we needed for our little campsite.  We had the camper van, and the chairs and tables, but we needed all the food, and the plates and cutlery.  Nothing has been lost from our Playmobil sets, which is somewhat of a miracle when you consider just how tiny the pieces are!  And so well made, no little sprues* on the plastic, all beautifully finished.  We have the teeniest little mobile phone, that is only just bigger than a Playmobil person's hand.  Never been lost.  Amazing.

These first two photos are of the ice-cream parlour, which Kev's parents bought the boys last Christmas. It's Gorgeous!  Look at those little bowls of ice-cream, and that dinky little scoop!  Now, I usually don't like to use exclamation marks in my writing (proper writers shouldn't need them, you know!), but descriptions of Playmobil do require them.  So apologies for my over-zealous use of them.

And here we have the inside of the camper van.  These little compartments are cunningly concealed underneath the beds!  Ohhh, so cute!  Tiny little cups and plates, tiny little forks and knives.  I can barely stand it, I just want to cry at the cuteness!  Now, I don't know about you, but so called girls toys have nothing on this stuff - so called boys toys are way cooler.  (I hate all that rubbish about boys and girls toys, and so wish that shops wouldn't play to that insecurity that lots of parents have about their children becoming gay if they don't play with gender-appropriate toys!  Matthew would love to have a doll's house, and the two reasons he can't have one are because we can't afford it, and we haven't the space in the house.  If it were within my power and means to get him one, then he would have one, because he would get so much enjoyment from it - when we go into the Early Learning Centre he can always be found playing with the doll's house.  Does this mean he's gay?  Tt, who cares?!)

That's my hand, right there.

So, we plonked it all back in the Playmobil box at the end of the day, and this afternoon we'll have to dig it all out again!  But half the fun of Playmobil is in the hours spent setting it all up, isn't it, just for ten minutes of actual playing?  :)


*sprue 1 |sproō|
nouna channel through which metal or plastic is poured into a mold.• a piece of metal or plastic that has solidified in a sprue, esp.one joining a number of small molded plastic items.

Bad Girl!

My HubPages addiction is becoming a bit of a problem this week.  I really must stay away from it, and only check it once a day at the most!  A watched pot never boils, is what 'they' say, is it not?  If someone's going to leave a comment on one of my hubs, that comment will still be there by the time evening comes, so there's no need for me to be checking several times a day.  Ridiculous woman!

I am maaaaaaaad at myself for wasting my morning on HubPages, without even composing a hub.  Idiot!

That's all I have to say for now.