Oh dear. I'm thick.

Well, that has all just completely baffled me.

I have just spent half and hour looking into freelance writing online.  I am so ignorant, and so very naive, and I know nothing.  SEO?  I don't know what this is.  Well, I mean I looked it up on Wikipedia, and it stands for Search Engine Optimization, but it all looked very complicated and I didn't know where to start properly finding out how to learn about SEO.  I mean, I'm sure that if some people can learn how to promote themselves as freelance writers that I could also learn the same skills.  But I wonder whether it's all beyond me really, whether I'm nowhere near as clever as I thought I was, and that I do not have the right kind of brain - is a business brain needed?  Because if it is then I'm not sure I have the right kind of brain.  I know I can write some nice things sometimes, but a little literary talent doesn't seem to be enough - apparently you need to be eSavvy now too.

I could do with someone to sit down and tell me where to start, because it's all rather overwhelming.  And now I am aware that I am whining.  But it's difficult to find determination when the thing I want to be determined about is as tough to get hold of as smoke.

More thinking and searching I suppose.  Perhaps I need to find some energy first and then research this when my head is clearer.

I'm floundering at the moment, hopping about from project to project, unable to find proper direction and focus.  It's very annoying.  I'm annoying myself.  I wish I could get a grip and get on with things.  What I could do with is a mentor really.

Hmmm...

What a difference a little sunshineyness makes.  I think we're all feeling the love today, are we not?  Smiley faces in the playground, smiley faces on the street, neighbours standing outside their gates chatting, people cleaning their cars and singing along to the radio.  The first day of Spring might not have been today, but certainly this feels like the real beginning.  Ohhhhhh, I have never looked forward to warm weather so much as this year.  It's been a Winter of illness, and not just for my mum (though, of course, she has had the worst).  It's been a Winter of the most colds, snotty noses, ear infections, bronchitises, tonsilitises and laryngitises that I have known.  Not that I'm complaining, because poorliness is always the best excuse to have cuddly times on the sofa and plenty of DVDs.  But I am ready to brush away some cobwebs this Spring.

I've got my novel-writing head on now; I'm going to do it; this is it (as I say every Spring!)  I've found my principle characters, and I know what they look like so they can't give me the slip this time.  I've found my plot, and I've found my baddie, and I've found my baddie's motivation, and I've found a few sub plots that might be worth exploring, I've also firmly decided on the rules for magic in my world.  All that remains is to write the bloody thing.  Five chapters down, roughly twenty-five to go!

Oh good grief!  How to spoil a person's productive mood!  I said that my neighbours were singing along to the radio whilst cleaning their cars?  Well, my next-door-but-one neighbour has just turned Blondie up full blast, and I am mightily vexed!!!  I cannot abide Blondie, so I am going to have to shut my window until it's over.

Huh?

What's that all about then?  Are you lot suckers for a bit of negativity then, or what?  I post a negative blog entry, and like magic I get the highest number of views in 24 hours that I've ever had.  Well, if only I'd known, that all it would take was a bit of a moan, I'd have had a bit of a moan ages ago.   My, oh my.  I'm stunned.

:D

Well, you'll be sad to know that I am not negative today.  I am back to my usual happy and annoyingly cheery self.  My lime green Docs are doing their job, and tomorrow I may wear them with my skinny jeans tucked in!  I'm just missing the black leather bomber jacket, and the green hair (though I'm hopefully getting the green hair in a few weeks).

Spring today, and my Docs match the buds that are exploding out everywhere :)

Happy Spring :D

Breakdown?

Something seems to have gone wrong in my brain.  I came home from my day off yesterday, and as soon as I stepped through the front door I actually felt the foul mood enter my soul.  I snapped at Kev as soon as I saw him, and the poor guy hadn't done anything wrong.  I went to bed in a foul mood, and it was still there when I got up.  I have spent the morning so far screaming at the kids, and they haven't done anything wrong.  Instead of making the most of the day with them I have launched myself into some deep cleaning, pulling sofas out and hoovering under them and behind them and inside them!  I have blamed the kids for my bad mood, and I have told them that I am sick of them making so much mess for me to clean up every day.  They are looking bewildered.

So I thought I'd come and write it all down, see if I could exorcise it.

Oh my goodness!  I am actually feeling a little bit better because my children have just come up to see where I am, and each one of them hugged me and told me that they love me!!!  Why would they do that, when I'm so evil?  They need to be kept away from me for their own sanity and safety, because I'm unstable today.  But still they love me.  That's special, that is.

I'm not used to feeling so bad.  I wonder what I can do to eradicate the feeling completely.  My kids have made the anger disappear, but now I am still feeling guilt and a bit of sadness.  I will go and find something fun to do with Thomas, James and Matthew and maybe that will work.  I know that I don't need to poison myself with guilt, because I'm just having a bad day and I haven't done it on purpose.  I am now going to forgive myself and try to move on.

Ommmmmmmmmm.  There, forgiven.

I think I am feeling a build up of lots of little niggly things, and my pot of crappiness has filled up to the top and overflowed a bit.  I think I have some issues and problems to deal with - obviously the best thing to do is deal with them, rather than sweep them under the carpet.  I will make a list this evening, and will probably feel refreshed after that.

Is this my first negative post, ever?  Well, it had to happen at some point.  Let's hope it's the last for a long time.  I don't like feeling negative, it doesn't suit me, and it definitely does not suit my lime green Docs.

Zennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

Merry Christmas everyone!

I finally got around to getting my last Christmas present this morning.  Kev gave me a cute little home-made voucher for a pair of Doc Marten's for Christmas, and I only just cashed it in.

My docs are this colour.

Actually, they're not.  This photo doesn't get the colour across properly.  They're much more luminous!  Not to everyone's taste by any means, but that's good.  I wouldn't want everyone wearing the same shoes as me, because then I wouldn't be so special :D

It was between these and a pair of shiny pink ones.  The shiny pink ones were on offer, but I knew I would love the green more in the long run.  Maybe I'll save up and get the pink ones too!  Of course, they probably won't be on offer any more, once I've managed to save up.

 
This still doesn't show you the real colour.  How strange.  Well, you'll just have to come and see them for yourself.  I'm sure you'll hate them, but that's alright.

It's going to be marvellous to not get wet feet when it rains now :)  I've been walking around in holey shoes for months, and my toes have been freezing all Winter!

Day Off tomorrow :D :D :D :D :D   I am not to be disturbed.  I am doing some major editing on my manuscript, and hope to have made some good progress with it by the end of the day.  If you see me in Starbucks you must keep the niceties to a minimum and then bugger off :D

Have a good weekend all.

Wonders of the Universe

I have just finished watching Wonders of the Universe, presented by the inimitable Professor Brian Cox. As per usual, as per my viewing of Wonders of the Solar System, my mind has been blown, and I have done some good crying at the beauty and amazingness of everything.  Staggering stuff, and humbling indeed.  The bit that made me blub in the end was when he showed us the photo taken from Voyager 1, in 1990, of our planet from billions of kilometres out in space.  Ohhhhh, we are so tiny, and so alone.  The first photo here shows Earth, circled.  That's us, in 1990, shot through by a sunbeam.  Can you see yourself?  I think I can see our house, and I can tell its ours because our car's parked on the drive.

These others are just stunning pictures taken by Hubble.  Enjoy :)

Nothing like some sense from Prof Brian to give life some perspective and meaning.  I always feel uplifted by the things he says.

New hobby

The gatehouse.

Do you like my latest project?  I've found a new hobby.  I have found that I could quite happily allow myself to be addicted to cardboard cut-out models.  I made two very small ones earlier in the year, and just found it to be so relaxing and unwinding.  I get my tools ready, my good pair of big, sharp kitchen scissors, my cutting board, my craft knife and my fast drying PVA glue, and my fingers are practically itching to start.  I tell you, all of a sudden I understand why some people find so much pleasure in an air-fix kit.  It's such a simple joy: to create something, but without the responsibility of the planning and designing - the thing being created has already been tried and tested, and definitely will fit together perfectly, it cannot go wrong.  This is what I find so calming about it.  There is no stress involved, because there is no danger of pieces being missing, new bits needing to be made, sections not fitting together.  I think it cardboard cut-out models could be used as therapy for anyone who needs to learn how to relax and enjoy doing something for no good reason other than the fact that it makes them happy.

The piece that I am working on now is a big medieval castle.  It has cut-out figures, and the boys will be able to play with it when it's finished.  I'll be happy for them to play with it, because I know they will take care of it - actually they will be in awe of it, and it will be their favourite toy for a while :)  (We're a very old-fashioned little family in lots of ways - do you know, we even eat our evening meal at the table, with the TV off, and we all talk to each other about our day?!  Amazing eh?)

This bit here is the inside of the gatehouse, all dark and mysterious.  I think it looks pretty good.   I just hope that all of this very pretty insides can be seen once the castle is all finished.   It would be a shame for them to be hidden.

Eh?  Eh?  I know, it's gorgeous isn't it?  I know.  Just wait until you see the whole castle finished, you're going to be amazed, truly.  That tiny portcullis that you can see there, actually lifts up, to reveal the doors that actually open.

Here are my tools, minus my cutting board, which I forgot to put in the shot - I'll put it in next time.  I'm supposed to also use a ruler, for any cutting or scoring that I do with the craft knife.  But I don't like to use a ruler, as I find that the knife seems to be repelled by it and I end up going off the line anyway - I find that I make a neater line if I just do the job freehand.  The ruler also gets in the way, and I can't really see what I'm doing properly.

Can you see the dreadful accident that occurred, evidence of which is in this photo above?  Well, in the piece of wall, with an arch in it, that's just to the left of the craft knife?  I cut right through that wall by accident - I was cutting out a piece on the next page, and thought that it was strange that this particular piece of card seemed to be so much thicker than the others.  It was then, with horror, that I realised I had cut right through a wall :(  What an idiot.  I hadn't even done my first bit of gluing at that point.  But No matter, I'll bravely continue.  I'm going to fix the broken wall back together with tape on the underside - it won't be seen, fortunately, because it's a hidden underside.  Phew!  It could have been a lot worse.

More photos when I've done the next bit.  I bet you just can't wait!