It's working so far

I ain't got long to write this evening, because my eyelids are drooping and I'm about to fall into oblivion...

But the timetable is working so far.  I did some work on sorting out piles of notes on Friday, and on Saturday evening.  I'll be carrying on tomorrow morning when the littlies are out.  It'll probably be quite a frustrating process, and I'll be fed up with it by the middle of this week, because I'll feel like I'm not really getting anywhere.  But there are certain processes that have to be gone through before the scribbling can start properly.  I can't just sit down and write with this story, because it's too darned big!  I've got to keep some control over it, and I have to keep notes on my ideas so that I can keep them tethered and not risk having them fly away.

Might be back on with some actual writing by the end of the week, but I'll just see how I go.  I'm not really bothered how quickly I get the book written, as long as I keep going with it, don't skive, and produce something that I can work with later.

On other things: the new Harry Potter film is very, very good indeed.  I've seen it twice this weekend, and I wouldn't even mind seeing it a couple more times!  Won't get to though, just haven't got the spare evenings at the moment.  Think I'm going to be missing a few important dates over the next couple of weeks: I know there are lots of things coming up, but I've forgotten to write everything down, so they might get missed!  Oh dear.  Well, as long as I remember to do some Christmas shopping over the next three weeks, then that'll be something.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...  oops!

Night.

®†¥¨^øπ“‘«æ…¬˚∆˙©ƒ∂ßå`Ω≈ç√∫~µ≤≥÷¡€#¢∞§¶•ªº–≠  Hmm, none of those seem right - I'm trying to find a symbol that looks like closed eyes, so I can do a sleeping smilie!  Never mind.

It's going well so far, but I've lost my words again!

Yep, we've been having a lovely time since school finished. Not doing anything much that's interesting enough to blog about every day really, just playing and relaxing. Not even taking any photos! I know, not like me. But sometimes it's nice to just get on and enjoy your time, rather than missing it in frantic attempts to make a record of everything all the time.

I have lost my words though. I'm well out of practice with any kind of writing. I've been working on a letter to my goodest pal Jamie, and I've not been able to get it finished because I've lost the will to do anything except flob on the couch in the evenings. Well, it's alright to do that for a while, to recharge sort of thing, but I really can't do nothing for the whole holidays.

Flob

Flob can indicate:

• flob, a commonly used metasyntactic variable, usually foundalongside wibble, wobble, and wubble

It's high time I got on with rediscovering my enthusiasm for the written word. I can't remember how to write a thing, and it's really only been a fortnight since I last worked on my book, but it's all gone! I mean, it's still there, obviously, on paper and in files on my computer. But I can't remember what it is that I was doing with the story. It's leaked out of my brain. I'm going to have to try to find it again, otherwise I'm never going to get the bloody thing finished. I left off on a bit of a lull in the story, which is never a good thing to do, because when you go back to it you remember that the bit you were working on was a load of rubbish and it's difficult to pick it up again. But I must crack on - I really want to get it finished very soon. So I'm going to finish off reading a certain (highly demotivating but deliciously vampirey) book that I'm reading, and stop faffing about. And I need to finish it because I have other things waiting in the back of my head that are crying out to be worked on; it took me ages to find my first idea, and I always thought that I'd struggle to think of things to write about, but this has proved not to be the case at all.

It'll be tricky to find time to work over the next few weeks, we have a busy three months really. We go on holiday at the end of this week, and when we come back we have some birthdays, and then Noomski's stag weekend, and then school starts again and James will be getting used to that. Then we have Barbados, and Noomski and Jessica's wedding. I would like to be near the end of the first draft with my book, but I don't know if I can do it. But life doesn't ever stop for books to be written does it?! No, it certainly doesn't. Life happens all the time, every year, so I can't keep making the excuse of being busy, because I'll never get it done.

Procrastination

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Procrastination refers to the counterproductive deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite such behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxietyassociated with starting or completing any task or decision.^[1] Schraw, Wadkins, and Olafson have proposed three criteria for a behavior to be classified as procrastination: it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.^[2]

Procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt and crisis, severe loss of personal productivity, as well as social disapproval for not meeting responsibilities or commitments. These feelings combined may promote further procrastination. While it is regarded as normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological disorder.

This is quite funny, that procrastination can be put down to stress and anxiety and all that, when in my case (and I would suspect that it applies to lots of people) it's definitely all about laziness. LAMF - that's what I am. I'm not going to translate that little acronym, because it's got swearing in it, but a LAMF is what I am!

Right-o. Got to go. Early night needed, in preparation for another week of fun and frolics :)

Night.

I'm in my brain

I feel like a strange and interesting change has come over me. I think I woke up the other day and was just a bit different. I don't really know what I mean by that. Something's just different in my mind, the way I see myself I think. I think I've moved on from something, but I don't know what it is I've moved on from, or to. I'm feeling all kind of wooly.

Perhaps I'm just tired :D

So this is a picture (below) of a human brain. I don't know what all the different sections of it are for, but I thought I'd post it because I've been a little bit fascinated by brains this week. I saw one being cut up on The Story of Science, and it was just incredibly interesting. Imagine all of the stuff that happens in our bodies, as well as our consciousness, stemming from this strange looking lump of matter. It's completely mind-boggling! It's like one of those things you discuss at Uni, when you're drunk, that just makes you stop and go 'oh ... wow ... my mind is melting ... this is too complex and massive for my brain to cope with'! It's like our minds - the minds of those of us who are not geniuses - can handle the middle sized things, the every day things, the things we see happen all the time. But they can't cope with things that happen on a gargantuan scale - such as galaxies forming. And equally they can't cope with things that happen on a nanoscale - such as cells dividing. All completely, bafflingly beautiful.

(I was going to post a picture of an actual human brain, but when it came to it I, strangely, found myself feeling rather squeamish. Couldn't do it. Weird. Sorry.)

This is what I am doing quite a lot of the time. Thinking, pondering, wondering, staring into space with a vacant look on my face. Pretty sure I'm just tired actually! Probably I should get some decent sleep, and stop staring into space until midnight, and then I'll be able to think more clearly.

Yesterday I was thinking about my childishness. I was thinking about the reason I know I'll never properly grow up actually. It was while I was playing with James and Matthew in The Zone for four hours that I realised that I'll never be able to call myself a 'woman', because I'll always be a girl. This is fine by me - I don't want to be a woman, ever. (I'm not saying I want to be a man!) So I made a list of things that I am still able to do now, that I thought I would not still be doing by the age of 33.

• Playing in soft play areas
• Talking to imaginary people
• Pretending to be on magical and epic quests when I am walking somewhere by myself (I see dragons on these quests, and I carry a sword, and fight orcs, and sometimes I ride an imaginary horse, and I always have a band of motley companions)
• Climbing trees (my favourite thing to do outdoors!)
• Believing that the stories in books and films are REAL - I truly believe that Middle Earth and Pandora exist!
• Watching Dogtanian and the Muskehounds
• Enjoying picking my own scabs and prodding my own bruises

This is just what I thought of yesterday. There are many more things I do that a person of my age probably wouldn't normally be doing, but I'm going to strive to keep doing them until I'm 113. I've picked 113 as the age at which I will die, and I'm sticking to that. My Uncle Andrew has said that he will be 116, so I'll die six years after him as he's only nine years older than me (have I got the maths right there? I usually don't get the maths right).

That was completely random!

I just spoke to a lady who's working on a documentary for Channel 4 :) She just phoned to speak to me as I was writing this. It was in response to a text I sent yesterday. I'd forgotten about it. They're making a documentary on the differences between raising a family full of girls, with a family full of boys. I thought it would be good to get a chance to participate because we have three ace boys. We chatted, and it was nice, and I wanted her to say that we could be on the telly, but she didn't, lol :) Our boys are too young for this particular project, which would involve swapping children with another family for the weekend. I think Thomas and James would be alright with that, but Matthew would be another story, lol. He'd be very upset to leave me (won't have a choice in October when I go off to sun myself in Barbados for a week, ha ha!). Oh, and he'd be very upset to leave Kev too, of course :D

So, back to normal. Where was I, before thoughts of celebrity and riches forced themselves to the front of my mind?!

Ah yes, I was about to finish off this post. I have two hours to get some writing done before collecting J and M. I caught an inspiration particle for a new story this morning, dammit! There I was, just minding my own business, making a cup of tea and some toast with lemon curd, when this story just dropped into my brain. I let out a little gasp of surprise, then giggled with delight as I realised the whole story was right there, and then frowned and said 'oh no' because this was what happened when I was writing my Faerie story - Freaky Jones just forced her way in, and prevented me from seeing the faeries clearly. I can't have another story come and block my view of Freaky. This has got to stop right here! I'll make a quick note of the new story, but that's it - literally, a note. No more. Freaky Jones must be finished this year - early next year at the latest. I'll never get anything published if I keep starting stories but never finishing them - flaky procrastinator, I am!

So, onward ...

Good to be back

:) It's always nice to feel healthy again, after I've been struck down by my Evil Stomach. I've not blogged for days, because I've really not felt like it. My Day Off on Saturday was ruined by my Evil Stomach. I'm going to get my Evil Stomach sorted out. I believe that I have an ulcer; my doctor is not taking me seriously though. He thinks I have indigestion, and that I should just do a massive burp! Hmmm - if he saw how much pain I'm in with this 'indigestion' he would know that it is an ulcer. I know it is an ulcer, and I am not a doctor, so I don't know why he's not listening to me properly. I get the feeling he thinks I'm being hypochondriacal about it! So, I'm sacking him off and going to see a different doctor. I love my own doctor dearly - he is excellent, usually. But I feel it's time for a second opinion. I don't want to put up with this awful pain any longer.

But there's always a positive side to pain of course, we all know that - that when you come out the other side of it the world looks fresh and beautiful, and you're just glad to be alive! I'm glad to be alive this week, and it's perhaps a blessing that I did have the Evil Stomach at the weekend, because I've been doing good in the mothering sense this week :) I've been lovely to my kids, been patient (mostly, mmm), have spent plenty of time with them, and still have ideas for things to do for the rest of the week. Completely different to the Easter holidays. It's a shame we've only got this week off, and not next week as well. But then, it's not very long until the Summer holidays is it?

What a rambling post this is! Sorry.

What I was thinking about before I was ill, was whether I'm mentally healthy. Yes, that's what I was thinking about. I'm not depressed, I don't mean that. But I noticed that I really spend all of my spare time in non-reality. All of my own-time activities involve going somewhere else in my head. I read fiction and fantasy, about worlds that don't really exist, except in the minds of their authors. I read about the past, about events and people that were real, but that are not real now. I write, about people and places that are not real, that I have to go right into my own head to find. And I watch films - almost always completely made up! Can that be healthy? Anne (of Green Gables) was always getting told off for having her head buried in a book. I don't ever get told off for it - because I'm 33, who would tell me off?! - but am I wasting my time? We've only got one life, and it struck me that I might be squandering it on day dreams. Is it more important to be doing real things? If it is, then what should I be doing? The trouble is, when you've got kids asleep in bed, you have to do your things around the house - so popping off for a quick trapeze lesson in the evening is out, as is nipping up to somewhere more northerly for a glimpse of the Aurora. What I would really like to do, is be Prof. Brian Cox's travelling companion! He's off around the world at the moment, with his film crew, making his next BBC series on The Wonders of the Universe (the last one was The Wonders of the Solar System). To be able to ponder all those questions about our existence for your job ... wow. That would have been wonderful - but alas, I was rubbish at maths and never considered the wonderfulness of science until I was in the middle of drunken arguments on existentialism at uni (you know the kind of arguments all students have at some point, when they're in a philosophical mood? What's at the end of the Universe, what is Nothing, are we alone, do we actually exist, or are we all a figment of something's imagination?).

But let's face it, I'm never going to make the Next Big Scientific Discovery now, am I?! So, what can I do that's important? I want to do something important. I don't want to just amble through life making no difference at all. I know we'll all return to star dust in the end anyway, but while we're here we should be trying to make the world beautiful, I think, so that our souls (if we have them - I don't really believe that we do, but it'd be nice) can look back on the time of this world and think 'wow, that was brilliant'. So, to that end, perhaps I am doing the right things with my spare time - learning to be a writer, to make something that someone will read and will enjoy. Books make people happy, and happy people are beautiful. (Unhappy people are beautiful too - don't want to alienate anyone! I think the whole world's beautiful, even the bad bits have a kind of beauty in them for the simple fact that they exist at all!) And to get good at writing, I think you need to spend a lot of time in your own head. Therefore, I must conclude that although I may not be of sound mind, that I may be mentally unhealthy to exist in a world of non-reality for several hours of my day, this is who I am, and it's fine.

Sorry in advance, for a waffly post.

It's one of those evenings, the kind when I feel like blogging, but have nothing interesting to say. What? That happens all the time, you say? I know. But I'm particularly devoid of inspiration today. I'm hoping to find some on Saturday, on my Day Off.

This evening I have been practising on my guitar. I practise every day if I can. I'm enjoying it hugely, it's such a relaxing hobby to have. The skin on my fingertips is getting nice and tough, and it really doesn't hurt to play now - not that it was ever agony. I've got to the end of the book that my brother lent me: Rhythm Guitar for Beginners :) I'm off to the music shop in Morecambe to find the next book tomorrow - might have a little browse for some easy song books too. I don't really know what I want to play, so I don't know what I'm looking for. So far I've been learning lots of nice chords, and just practising them over and over again, changing between them and trying to memorise the fingering. I'm enjoying the major seventh chords that I've just learned - they're very, very pretty. I'd quite like to learn some songs that I could sing to - but don't expect to ever hear me, because I'm learning for myself only, not to perform!

Now, there's something I miss. The stage. I haven't thought about it for a long time, and once upon a time it was all I thought about. *Deep sigh of regret* I miss the theatre. I was never on stage very much, only a few shows and a few plays at Uni. But oh, it's good! I think I was pretty good at acting, and I have often wondered whether I could've made a living out of it. Never know now. Shame. Could still do some am-dram though :D But how on earth would I fit it in now?! Got the writing to do, got college to go to in a couple of years, college to prepare for next year, kids to play with, guitar to learn, adventures to go on. I just don't know if I can spare three evenings a week for rehearsals. Mmmm. It'd be nice though :) That rush of adrenaline again - mmmm, it is good.

We'll see.

The other thing on my mind is the book. I've decided what to do, but don't hold your breathe waiting for me to stick to today's plan! I know I change my mind between the two novels that I'm working on as often as I ... do the dusting, but this time I think I've come up with a good solution to my fickleness problem. I'm going to get the manuscript ready for Freaky Jones (this is the working title for a story that grew out of some memories of my own life at senior school) over the next few months. The story is almost all there in my head, clear as anything, it just needs writing down. Easy peasy! Then I'm going to send it off to a publisher. Then, while I'm waiting to hear back about Freaky Jones (and this could take a very long time, and I could have one or two more manuscripts done by the time I ever hear anything about the first one!) I can work on the other one, about faeries. If I get the one that's easier to write out of the way then I can't be distracted by it, can I? That seems so obvious now, I don't know why I didn't think to do this months ago. D'uh. Relief, for now - but I may well change my mind again next week, he he!

Well, I'm off to read for a bit now. Night all.

Oh, the horror.

This has happened before, but it's REALLY happened this time. I was browsing the Waterstone's website yesterday evening, and came across a book that had me interested and worried at the same time. Interested, because it looked like a damn good story - about faeries, and what they're really like; worried, because it's almost exactly the same story as mine, only much, MUCH better! It looks scary and mega-imaginative, original and compelling. Mine looks very pale compared to this book. And then I start to think that even if I could make mine much grittier (I'm sure I could) and frightening, would it look like I'd just copied my story from the one that's already out? Probably. This is the thing about writing - it takes such a bloody long time! Fine, you come up with an idea; but even for an experienced writer it takes a good year to have a finished manuscript ready. In that year many more writers seem to have exactly the same idea as you and you spot books almost identical to yours popping up all over the place. It's very disheartening.

So, I've got the morning off today, and a whole Day Off on Saturday :) I'm going to have a really good think. I'm going to do some short story exercises and see if I can dig about in my mind and find out what it actually is that I really do want to write. I'll also do some exercises around the characters that I'm already writing about, and see if I can find ways to make them more readable - I think I'm afraid to write characters that people won't like. That's stupid, because every book has to have baddies. And even some of the goodies need to have annoying habits, strange tics and ugly warts, and so on. Noomski said that I shouldn't give up on my book - he's read it and he was surprised by how good it was. He's a bit biased, but he's also honest, and he would tell me if he thought it was rubbish. He tells me I'm rubbish and ugly, fat and annoying most of the time anyway :D

So, hmmm, some free writing this morning I think. After a bath :)

This is my bridal wreath, by the way :) It's in one of the borders in my garden. It's looking splendid right now, all foamy and bright. It only flowers for about a fortnight though, and then it looks quite drab, lol. But I think it's worth the wait for those two weeks of loveliness. I took this photo on my phone - amazing!

Ugh, what to do.

What the ...?! I've returned to my writing this morning, hopeful of finding it waiting for me looking all lovely and exciting and GOOD. Usually, when I've had a little break from my novel because I hate it, I re-read it and it sounds really rather good. This time? Nah. It's crap. I'm very dismayed. The first four chapters are still fine, because they've never changed for months. But the last two chapters I wrote are horrendously dull. I've lost my mojo with this project, I really have. I can't find what it was that inspired me to write it in the first place. It's been dragging on for so long - all my own fault for not pulling my finger out and getting it written two years ago, of course - that it's like a heavy weight around my neck. Maybe I should just file it away and look at it again in a few years. I keep coming back to it, but I can't write it. I don't know if it's beyond me, or if I just don't like the story any more. But I don't think it is beyond me - like I said, the first few chapters are good, I'm very proud of them. They're not perfect, but I've been looking forward to redrafting them.

Hmmm. I'm not sure what to do at all. It's difficult to keep writing when you know that what you're producing is rubbish - it seems like a terrible waste of time to keep writing dross, when I could be spending my time more productively, developing a better idea.

Ah, but now I'm thinking about the research on supernatural beings that I was doing before Easter. There was some good stuff in there. I'd found out about some very interesting demons and demi-gods that would fit beautifully into my story; there was a wealth of characters to choose from in that Encyclopedia of Spirits that I'd been dipping into, and I could imagine some of them really giving a lift to the story in helping me to develop new directions and twists. So perhaps I'm being dramatic again? Do I need to work through the problem I'm having with my boring protagonist, and make him better? Should I persist, or give up on it as a bad job, and move on to something new and fresh? I know the answer really. Of course I should persist - otherwise the last two years' worth of research and writing have been for nothing! (That's rubbish isn't it? Five chapters in two years?! Well, I haven't actually been writing non-stop for two years - mostly I've just been thinking and fleshing out ideas. But it's still not good - I should bloody well get my head together and get on with it and stop moaning and be more focused and be more positive and drag myself out of this stupid lull.)

:) Right, thanks for that bit of therapy. I'll get back to it now. I know what to do. I'm going to fix my hero (might even change him into a girl actually, that might work better), and make him more bad - he's too good and nice right now. Thanks very much, friends - how much do I owe you for this session? Same time next week?

Lost my words again.

I'm posting today, just because I haven't posted for a few days. I haven't thought of anything nice to write about, because I've lost my words again. It's a strange thing, losing your words. You don't have any warning about it, you just wake up one morning and they're not there. You know they're around somewhere, but they're just out of sight - as if there's a big boulder right before your eyes, and you know they're hiding behind it, but you can see them and you can't see the boulder either. It's all invisible. But I find that I'm getting them back again quicker now that I know what to do about it. When I used to lose my words I would just spend a lot of time watching telly or doing nothing in particular, waiting for them to come back. But they always took a very long time to come back that way, and I would feel guilty for having spent so many days/weeks achieving absolutely nothing. Now I know that the only really proper way of finding them again is to get looking, and by that I mean that you have to just write something down. It's probably a right lot of crap that you're going to write, but it doesn't matter because it gets all the crap out of the front of your mind, and makes way for the words that got lost. That's what I have to do anyway - other people have different ways of getting over a word-drought.

I'm finding that I'm repeating myself all over the place at the moment, and that often leads to the words retreating to a secret hideaway pretty sharpish. I've got several places to write about myself, you see. I have a diary for writing in by hand, I have this blog, and I have a Book of Ahievements (in which I write about something good that I've done every day). And I have a penpal too, and I write pretty long letters to her - all about ME! So writing about myself can get a bit repetitive at times, especially if I'm not up to much. And now, Noomski and my mum have given me a challenge. We each have a beautiful, new, dinky little Moleskine Japanese concertina notebook. Noomski has to draw on every page of his, my mum has to write a poem, and I have to write prose. Getting the ideas is the hard part. I think their tasks are less challenging than mine, because they will find it easier to be interesting - though perhaps the execution of the idea will be more difficult for them, and involve more skill. But what am I going to write about?? I really have no idea. I have decided on something to write about three times, but have ended up dismissing each topic on the grounds that it was very dull. I thought about finding out about something new that I'd never thought of before, and writing about that. But that would end up being a quick search on Wikipedia once a day, and a quick copying down of random bits of information that would not stick in my head anyway. That wouldn't really be learning, just regurgitating. So, I think it's going to have to be to do with observation - I need to find something around me to write about. Perhaps I could choose a subject, and make up a backstory for it. I could sit in town, and watch one person for ten minutes (if they would keep still long enough - or I might have to follow them; but then I might get arrested for stalking!). Then I could give them a family (not no family at all), an occupation, something sensational that they do that is completely removed from reality perhaps. And I could do a little sketch of them, or a little doodle of what that person made me feel like for that ten minutes. I know I'm not the one doing the drawing, but this challenge is about creating a beautiful book. To me a beautiful book is full of words! But perhaps it would be enhanced by a bit of colour.

I haven't got a word block as far as my novel is concerned. That's coming along nicely. I wrote a chapter last week, and am well on the way with the next one. I should be able to finish it now that I've actually got a fully fleshed out synopsis, and an ending. I've got lots of characters that I care about, and I've got lots of ideas for scenes. It's amazing what a little book like Novelist's Boot Camp can do! What a splendid book that is - I'm so very pleased that I bought it. I just wished I'd read it last year. I could have had a finished manuscript by now. But no matter really - I'm doing it now, and that's the main thing. Todd A. Stone, the author of the Boot Camp, is very inspiring, and very, very funny. I laugh out loud a lot when I'm reading his drill instructions - he keeps telling me to get down and do some push-ups, and I do! He tells me to go and make a character list, so I do. He tells me to write a synopsis, using this, this, this and this to achieve the objective, so I do. I like his no nonsense approach - stop whingeing and snivelling, do not sit about being airy-fairy, get on with it and do push-ups. It's ace! No-one gets a book written by mooching around and day-dreaming. People get books written by writing down words. D'uh!

Ah, I feel refreshed now. I found a few words :) Now to get on with Chapter Five!

All better now :)

Ah, *deep contented sigh*, that's better. I've fixed myself properly now. I had a bit of a malfunction on Thursday, but yesterday I took charge. I took myself into town in the morning, when all the boys were at their places of education, and had a tiny bit of retail therapy. All necessary - it actually wasn't procrastination (for once!). I bought a book of squared paper to help Thomas with his maths (Parents' Evening on Thursday - was very, very good and positive; Mrs Powell is wonderful and sensible and has nothing but sympathy for Thomas's struggle with maths. We have made good plans to help him, and Mrs P is very supportive). And I bought an Encyclopedia of Spirits. Yes, I have. An Encyclopedia of Spirits, you did read correctly. It's research, for my book :) I'm writing about faeries, elves and such (Tolkien-type elves, not Disney ones!), and have been noticing huge gaps in my knowledge of folklore and mythology. This is the book I've been looking for. It will hopefully give me a wealth of ideas for characters and little sub plots. I've been working on basing my story in faerie 'fact', if you will. It would have probably been easier to completely invent my own world and history and language, so that a reader couldn't question it too much. But that's not what I wanted to do. I wanted to explore centuries-old supertitions and beliefs, and give them a link to the present. My kids believe in faeries, and so do I ;) The story is about what's been going on in the faerie world since most people stopped believing in them. There's not a right lot written about faeries though - other than passing comments or stories in history books - so it's been difficult to find out what people did actually believe a couple of centuries ago. This encyclopedia seems to be the missing link for me. I have high hopes that it can give credence to my story (yes, I do know that faeries are not actually real - I just want people to be able to get lost in the world I create while they're reading, and not find that things jar and bring them out of the book).

So, I took myself to Starbucks after the trip to Waterstone's. I got stuck into the writing-of-the-book for a couple of joyous hours. It was very productive. I did some brainstorming for a bit, and then started a new chapter. My story is getting nice and big and complex now :D Just what I wanted.

But what a difference a day makes, eh? It's a true sentiment, that. I was proper miserable on Thursday, but yesterday I woke up looking at the world from a different angle completely. It was weird to lose control of myself the other day, but I don't feel bad about it at all - I'm looking back on it now with interest. I can see what it was about and can file the rubbish away, just keep it in the reference section for use when I need to identify negative thoughts next time. Hopefully I won't need to use more than one filing cabinet for negative stuff. I'm going to need a bigger mind-office as it is to accommodate all the positive and floaty flowery thoughts I have!! (Blurgh - pass me the sick bucket!)

Oh, I also bought a Buddhist book called The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. It's a guide to meditation, and is about slowing down time and enjoying every second. All good. I started it yesterday, and it's excellent. I've been paying attention to my breathing today, and I'm not very good at it yet, but I can already see what an amazing thing meditation is. The whole thing is still rather bizarre to me, but I like it, and I'm going to stick with it for a while and see what happens. (I do hope I'm not getting preachy with the Buddhism - I'm not expecting anyone else to try it, but it's in my life right now, so ignoring it in my writing would be odd. Try it, or don't: it's up to you!)

Oh, one more thing - Sport Relief was last night. Now, those videos of suffering children put the whole world in perspective, don't they? Makes me see even more clearly that I have no right to be unhappy, and that I must always be grateful to be alive because nothing in my life will ever be as bad as it is for millions of people in the rest of the world.

Well, this is a funny thing - I've come home from dropping the kids off at school, and I actually feel like blogging. I will do this for a few minutes before getting down to some novelling.

Tonight my brother - Noomski - is coming round for a top secret meeting. We had an idea for a little project, and he is coming to discuss ideas. We have many things to look at for our research, and many notes to take. It's a very simple idea, but it will take quite a serious amount of planning and discussion. We are going to collaborate on something exciting. I won't say what it is yet, incase it doesn't get off the ground. But I have a positive feeling about the project, because this year is mine and Noomski's first official Year of Achievement :) I have a Book of Achievements, that I write in at the end of every day - alright, the achievements are sometimes as banal as managing to get the washing up done on a day when I'm tired, but it makes me find something positive in each day even if I've been thinking that I've achieved nothing at all, and I go to bed feeling good about myself. Quite often though I've achieved lots in a day. I get three mornings a week to write, and at the moment I'm getting plenty done. And when I've done well in the morning, it has the knock on effect of making me want to write more in the evenings. Smashing :)

I feel that I should include a picture in every post - is it absolutely necessary? I dunno, but photos are important to me, so I shall put 'em in. There is a shortage of photos of me, because I am usually the one behind the camera - because it is MY camera! Millions of photos of my kids, but to be honest, I don't really want to put photos of my kids on here because this is a blog about MEEEEEEE! There are photos of the kiddies on facebook, which you can see if you are my friend :)

Well, I am going to go and do some writing on The Big Project now. Then I will look into agents after that. Who knows which agent is the right one? How does one go about approaching an agent? What if one is having trouble finding an agent? Is it better to go it alone, and not use an agent at all? I doubt it, not for me at any rate, since I'm a complete novice and know nothing about negotiating and publishing deal :S All questions for the Writers' and Artists' Yearbook, which is winging its way to me as we speak; it might even arrive today!

I like this blog - it is far, far, far easier than the one I was using (though not 'arf as pretty :( ). I will post a link to this from my website I think.

Ooh, this is different ... hang on.

He he ... little nervous about writing a blog that someone might actually read! Was blogging on my website (http://www.lindaannerawlinson.co.uk) but it was a bit of a nightmare uploading it all the time, and it kept getting bigger and slower. So I've decided to join in, and play with everyone else at blogging. I believe I can add some images? Lemmesee ...

Hmm. This is the most recent image of me, and I look a bit freaky! I've looked better :S

Right, well. What should I write? I suppose I should start again really. No, I'll just do a quick recap:

I am Linda, 33 in a few weeks, best buddy of Kev, mum of three marvellous boys,who has been to Uni and done a degree in drama, who has done a proper job with proper wages before becoming a full time mummy, who has toyed with the idea of becoming a teacher, an admin person, a midwife and a writer, and who has decided to be a writer and a midwife (unless the writing become so amazingly successful that she is propelled into riches and celebrity and doesn't need to do anything else)!

So, today's achievements have been nothing to do with writing, so far. Been enjoying some bloody freezing fresh air - though not as cold as Mongolia, which I understand has been -50˚ - and taking photos of the view of the Lake District from the park :) Stunning views on days like this - we could see the snowcapped peaks very clearly.

Will be achieving much writing tomorrow morning, absolutement! No questions, no excuses, no procrastination, no day-dreaming; writing from nine o'clock until one. I've been doing very well with my current project over the past fortnight - I think I've written about 12,000 words, which is very good considering that I can only write in the evenings. I'm very pleased with myself :) I don't know exactly how many words, because I hand write, and I'm not in a rush to type this story up yet because I don't want to interrupt the flow. If I stop to type it all up I'll lose my way, I'm sure. So I'm just writing and writing until the ideas dry up. That'll be the point when I type up and start to fill in any gaps. Good job I enjoy typing up!

I am going to finish my first novel this year, yes I am - writing one, that is, not reading! It might be a load of bunkum, but at least I will have finished something. I'm not sure I've ever really finished a thing properly before - isn't that rubbish?! Well, I have been rubbish for most of my life really. I'm not rubbish now though. Oh no, I'm pretty darned ace now :) All motivated and driven and focused and excited and happy and contented and bubbling over with joy at being alive - actually, those are pretty annoying traits, and I'm surprised anyone can even stand to talk to me if I'm really all those things!

Well, that will do for a first post. I believe I will enjoy this proper-blogging lark. Ta ta.