I've figured it out.

I've figured out why it is that I've been in a bad mood for most of the Easter holidays. It's because I've not achieved anything for myself. Selfish cow, eh?! Very silly of me to let myself be in a bad mood when I knew in advance that I wouldn't get to do any writing for a fortnight, or have much time alone.

Last year I planned something to do with the kids every day, and stuck to the plan. This year I never really got round to making the plan, and this was a grave mistake. This meant that I allowed myself to be lazy, to let the kids play on their own quite a lot, to snap at them for no really good reason, and be a general mardy arse! I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself. But at least I have learned that I need to do the Plan - I won't forget to do it again.

But am I perhaps being a little hard on myself? The boys, despite being roared at several times a day for doing nothing worse than spilling a cup of juice, have had a lovely, relaxing two weeks. They've been allowed to watch telly EVERY morning; they've been allowed to eat at McDonald's twice; they've been taken out to some lovely places (Wildlife Oasis, Grizedale Forest of course, Williamson's Park, The Zone, the Stone Jetty, the beach, and the cinema today). I asked Thomas if he'd had a nice holiday, and he said that he'd had a great time. He just enjoys being able to relax and not have to be at school - and he loves playing with his brothers, who are, after all, his best friends. James and Matthew love having him home too. So, I don't think it matters very much if I'm being less than attentive with them, because their more interested in playing with each other than me anyway. But I'm still going to get back to normal in the half term holiday. I've missed out on playing with them this Easter, because I've been lazy and I've been immersed in my books - unforgivable. I LOVE playing with them.

Oh, I did play with them yesterday, at The Zone - indoor soft play place. I always play with them there. There's no way I could sit and watch them on the slide without having a go myself!! And I go the fastest on it, and almost take off on the last bump! It's fantastic - and rather a good work out as well, lol. I always come out of there with a bright red face and in great need of a shower. I'd really like to be able to play there with them more often, but it's not very cheap.

Don't know what we're doing tomorrow. I've run out of ideas. Think I might let them ride their bikes (although, that means some pain for my back, as Matthew isn't pedalling yet and needs pushing!). I'm sad that it's the last day of the holidays - I wish I could start it all over again, and never be cross with them, and keep my smile on the whole time. But everyone gets it wrong sometimes, don't they? Mmm, I know they do. I'm only human :) I'll do better next time.

By the way, I'm being very naughty and even though I finished reading the whole Twilight Saga a couple of days ago, I am reading it again!! I tried reading something else - The Book Thief - but wasn't quite ready to be without Edward! Oh dear. But I'm not letting the reading take over my life this time :) I'm taking my time, and savouring the beautiful writing. The challenge will come on Monday morning - my writing time: will I be able to do the writing, or will I cave and just pick up Twilight?! We'll see ;)

*Sigh* - very tired, night night.