Gathering my thoughts

So, I've had a few days off writing.  Haven't written a thing.  Can't even remember how to now.  Better get back to it, before I even forget how to spell simple words.

I've just been reading the hubs of some of the people I follow, and I must say that some of them can really make a person feel inadequate!  I do feel very stupid and ignorant sometimes.  I'm reading hubs that are very atheist-bashing, and I want to have my say and defend my position on God and the Universe, but I find it so very difficult to form my opinions into a cohesive argument.  I just don't enough scientific stuff.  My belief rests in science, and the reason for this is because it has always presented me with much more believable evidence than the Bible has.  But putting this in such a way that properly shows what I think is very difficult.  Now, I have no illusion that a hub on atheism could ever be left alone and not picked to bits and cause a huge debate.  It would attract lots of comments, and ever sentence that wasn't quite finished exquisitely would be ripped apart.  Every point that wasn't backed up with irrefutable evidence would be hammered down into dust.  Well, that's fine - you have to expect that when you attempt to discuss religion, whichever side you come down on.  It's a bit sad that people feel the need to attack the beliefs of others, but there we are - I've done it myself, but I suppose only in defence of my own position when it's been attacked first.  But what I don't want to happen is for readers to think that I'm completely stupid and that what I've written is so basic and flawed and naive that it's not worth commenting on.  So, for this reason I am not rushing into writing a hub on my beliefs - I am going to take my time over it, and maybe post something next year... or maybe the year after.

In other news, I am just finishing up my little creative writing course.  I have two weeks left, and a little homework to do for that.  I always leave it until the last minute - but the good thing about homework for a writing course is that it's absolutely fine to leave it until the last minute, or to even not do it at all!  You can say that you couldn't find your creativity this particular week, you can say that you had a severe mental block.  Marvellous.  Of course, I haven't done that - I've done my work.  I'm thinking that doing the MA would be very useful.  I'm going to apply for that as soon as I can get my personal statement together - this is going to be quite tricky, because I don't really know what to say about my creative writing.  It's just something I've been doing as a hobby.   Oh, I suppose there's the answer, right there: I've been doing it as a hobby, and now I'm ready to start taking it more seriously, taking myself and my writing more seriously.  Hmm.  Yes, I think there's something there.  I'll work on that later.

Right now, I have to pop off and write five hundred words on a ghost story for tomorrow's class.  I'm not sure what I'll write, but something will come to me, I'm sure.

Better go and do that then.  Ta-ra.

Day 15.

Ooh, I may not manage to get the 30 hubs done in the 30 days.  I'm quite far behind now, must have about six hubs that need writing.  And now I also have a small Creative Writing homework to do - I have to start the writing of a ghost story.  It's only a five-week course, but if I enjoy it I might do it again in the new year.  A few of the people on the course seem to have been there before.  I enjoyed it, by the way :)  It was lovely.  Did a little bit of writing, to do with memories, and generating ideas for stories.  It was very nice to hear the work of other people - I do love that, hearing different writing styles, and listening to how different people interpret the same instructions.  It's always good for making me consider other ways of doing things.  

Tomorrow is my first childfree morning since Barbados - yes, I know, I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, that's all.  But this will be the first time I've had to write for quite a while.  I just couldn't write a thing in Barbados, because I was too busy chatting to people and doing nice relaxing things and drinking free cocktails.  Three hours to myself.  I will try to start my ghost story for next week.  And then I will try to get a couple of hubs done - theoretically they should be writable in half an hour, but they never are because I day dream a lot.  In my little 'this is me' introduction at CW tonight I said that I'm easily distracted, and that I start of writing one thing and then have an idea and end up writing that instead.  That's what I do, and I do it the most on these free mornings.  Terrible.  

Well, it's late.  I'd better get some sleep if I'm going to be creative tomorrow.  Night y'awl.

  

Get over it!

It's amazing, how a little time heals little hurts.  I'm not being flippant, I know it's not so great for big hurts, and takes a lot longer.  But little hurts are what I'm talking about, such as the little bit of grief you feel after you've experienced something wonderful.  I'm talking about our trip to Barbados of course.  When we got back everyone was a little down (a couple of us more than the rest, because they had some horrible news, which is not mine to tell - love to you both, thinking of you), as is only right and natural.   I was too.  But I don't get down about things like I used to.  Grief used to strike me after I'd been in a show when I was in my teens and early twenties.  My first show was Oklahoma!, when I was seventeen, and I was so tremendously sad for weeks after it was over, it had been such an intense experience for me.  I'd had a big part in the production, and had been to months of rehearsals, and had sung two solos and had danced and had learned lines!  It was fantastic, and then it was gone.  So it is a kind of grief.  But I'm much wiser these days, in my thirties (oh, I'm so old - NOT!).  No-one close to me has actually died, so I'd just better bloody well get over it and move on to the next good thing.  That's what I do now.  I don't spend too much time dwelling on what I'm not doing (i.e., not being in Barbados and being lazy), and concentrate instead on what I could be doing soon (i.e., anything I like, my destiny is my own to control).  What right have I to mope about, bemoaning the fact that I can't waste my life away on a beach in a tropical paradise, when there are people in the world who can't even afford the price of a cup of tea?  There's always someone worse off than me, and I try to remember that when I feel sorry for myself.  It works a treat, and I cheer up almost immediately.

So this morning I have enrolled myself on the teeny creative writing course that I mentioned last time, the evening course in November (when I say teeny creative writing course, I mean that the course only lasts a few weeks, not that we have to scribble in tiny writing in tiny notebooks - although that would be possible, I do have all sizes and shapes of stationery, because I have a stationery addiction, a bit like Stephen Fry's addiction for Apple hardware, only less expensive).  Well, almost enrolled.  The lady I spoke to couldn't find the course fee on her system, so she'll phone me back with that when she finds it.  But my name is on the list at least :)  Ooh.  I'm excited.  I do love a course.  It's a couple of years since I did one, and it's been a nice break, but I've missed those deadlines.

Another development is that my tutor from Aberystwyth did say that he would be happy to do a reference for me for the MA, but mentioned needing to look up my academic record.  When he said that I realised that he might not be the best person to provide a reference for me, because my academic record at Aberystwyth was not what you would call 'good'.  Hmm.  Perhaps I will provide three references.  Mind you, it will show that I've matured.  Because I will ask my human physiology tutor for a reference also, and that should be a glowing one - although he might be confused as to my change of direction, since he probably thought I would be doing the BSc in Midwifery by now.  Oh.  I foresee some problems with my references.  The trouble is, no-one in an academic field has read my writing, or assessed it in any way.  I shall ponder this a little more.  Or perhaps I will ring the tutor of the MA and ask his advice.  He must surely be understanding with people who have been out of education and work for a long time.  Mm, I will phone him in a minute.  That will be a good and productive thing to do.

The other thing I'm doing today is getting my First Chapter competition entries ready to send off.  I do have plenty of time, since the competition doesn't close until summer 2011.  But since both chapters are pretty much ready (not so the synopses, but I'll whip those up in a jiffy), I may as well get them in early, and save myself the hassle of leaving it until the last minute (as I usually do).  Time to pull my finger out (where does that expression come from?), and get my writing read.

Have you noticed the absence of exclamation marks in this entry today?  I've gone through and taken them out.  I have decided that I use them too often, feeling it necessary to use them in order to indicate the points at which I am making a joke.  But I can see that my jokinesses are pretty obvious even without '!', so I'm endeavouring to use them less.  Stephen Fry (my God of all things lovely) hardly uses them at all, and it's perfectly apparent when he is quipping.  (Ooh, I just inserted a '!' there, and had to hastily remove it.)

'Right lovely peeps, I'm off', the girl says,
And quick as a flash, off she sweeps.