There's something so bittersweet about taking my eldest son Thomas to do something new and exciting. This week he has been at the half-term sports club almost every day (he had a day off yesterday as it was just getting a bit much for him, he just wanted to spend one of his holiday days with us doing something relaxing and fun). And my heart has broken every morning as I've said goodbye to him. I have let him go into the sports hall with cuddles and kisses (discreet ones of course, there are loads of other very cool kids there, and I wouldn't want to embarrass my poor little fella!), and I have watched from the window as he valiantly joins in with the game that's in progress, putting on a brave smile, trying to talk to other kids who are not interested in making a new friend because they already have their school friends with them. Thomas has been alone all week, none of his friends from school signed up for the club. Okay, so all that I've described so far has been bitter. I know what he feels, how the shyness rises up from your stomach, through your chest, affecting your breathing, elevating your heart rate, constricting your throat so that you feel you might choke to death, how it causes your vocal chords to do something strange so that when you pluck up the courage to talk you sound like some kind of Frank Oz character!! I see other kids looking at Thomas as if he's a bit odd, or rather ignoring him completely, not even registering his presence in the room. I know that feeling, and it's not nice.
BUT. Thomas keeps trying. Thomas is not daunted. Thomas overcomes his shyness, and ignores the fact that it's hard to fit in, that it's difficult to break into a group of firm friends, that not many people understand his quirkiness and his differentness. And the fact that he is able to stay in a room where all these things are happening makes me feel an overwhelming sense of awe for Thomas. He is amazing. I am proud of him, incredibly. I love that he is a bit odd, that his friends at school are still not sure how to take him, that they look at him like he's weird when he starts telling them a long story about his weekend adventures, but are still fond of him anyway. Eventually his friends will have enough maturity to be able to deal with how they feel about Thomas, and they will learn that he is a loyal and precious friend, and that they wouldn't be without him. They will appreciate his kindness when he takes care of them when they need it.
It would be the easiest wish in the world, for me to want Thomas to change, to be like every other child so that he can fit in easily and not be looked at the way he is. But I don't really want that. I want him to stay just as he is, perfect. Overcoming the challenges that he does can only serve to make him strong and wise, and that is so important.
Not related to Thomas, but this morning I saw two blackbirds, a collared dove and two goldfinches in my garden, when I was making my coffee (I have started drinking coffee and I don't know why!! I am tempted to buy some proper coffee and get out the cafetiere, what is happening to me?!). I haven't seen a collared dove for a couple of years, so this is a very nice development. This afternoon, because the weather is beautiful today, we will be assembling that new feeding station. We couldn't do it the other day because we ran out of time, and yesterday was a horrible day weather-wise. I will take some pictures of the boys in the garden :)
How I love my blog - even though no-one is following me yet!
Spring is here today. It definitely is. There was frost this morning, but it was evaporating from the fence panels as the sun came up, and was whisping away into the water cycle!