Dream Flying.

Do you ever have flying dreams? I do. I love them, they are my very favourite dreams; but I don't have them often enough. I have a few flying dreams that I remember very vividly, and probably always will. One of them is particularly filmic, and involves me flying through an electrical storm looking something like Neo in the Matrix, wearing a long leather coat, and just being generally very cool. There are people pursuing me in the dream, and I end up shooting lightning out of my fingertips at them. It's a cracking dream, but I've only had it once (though I often think about it when I'm awake) and would dearly love to dream it again. Other flying dreams I've had have had much less of a story. I always begin the flying dream not knowing that it will be a flying dream. I'm usually running, and laughing - I think it's necessary to be in a happy place to have one of my flying dreams. Then the running turns into jumping, and in my dream I say to myself something along the lines of '*gasp* this is it! I'm going to fly, I'm really going to fly this time!!' and I truly believe that I am awake and am really going to fly. Often at that point I wake myself up by having a conscious thought, damn! But if I'm very lucky I will stay asleep, and the dream will build. The jumping gets higher and higher, and feels something like being on a trampoline, except that I stay suspended in the air for just that little bit too long and the ground doesn't give beneath my feet when I land. After a few leaps on the spot I start to move with the jumps, and jump further and further, higher and higher, until I just decide to stay in the air. It's an unbelievable feeling, it's so real to me. I know what it's like to fly, I'm sure of it! (Alright, I know that I don't really; I'm sure a human body would not feel weightless as I do in a dream, I'm sure it would feel very heavy actually.) Then the flying begins in earnest, and I'm away. I don't really know where I fly, it's not about the scenery in my dreams - though it is beautiful, rolling hills and patchwork fields and all that, inspired by the scenery around where I live, undoubtedly - it's about the feeling of flying, I get completely lost in the sensations that my body 'experiences'. I can feel the air stroking my skin, always warm. I know every part of my body, and can feel the affect that any tiny movement of the foot or the hand has on the direction I am travelling through the air. It's blissful, tranquil, yet thrilling at the same time. I have no fear of falling, no fear of being seen, no fear at all. It's what I would hope would happen to us after we die, to be allowed an eternity to explore and to see everything we were not able to see when we were alive.

Always, when I wake up from these dreams, I am disappointed that it was only a dream. But I smile to myself, snuggle back down under the covers and try to get back to it; I never dream it again after I've woken up. But in the morning I feel tremendously uplifted. In the Books of Pellinor that I talked about a few entries ago, one of the central characters, Hem, is plagued by nightmares and fears that prevent him from achieving restful sleep. But for a few blissful nights he is visited by a kind of spiritual being that allows him to rest and sleep peacefully for a few hours in safety and without fear. My flying dreams are like this. I don't have the nightmares and such that Hem has, but the flying dreams have such a restorative quality that I feel healed afterwards. Amazing.

But you know what else? I can fly when I'm awake now! Oh yes, I really recommend it. I once got frustrated at the lack of flying dreams - I haven't had one for a good couple of years, at least - so I decided to just lie down and see if I could imagine flying one night. It was good! If I want to I can feel the size of the world. I can see the whole of the shape of it, and feel exactly how big it is in relation to me. I can sense every person moving about on it, I can sense every mammal, insect, bird, fish, flower and tree. I can move about the Earth if I want to. I can think of any country that I might want to take a look at and in a moment I'm there. I can hang suspended over vast sprawling cities, empty deserts, steaming jungles and craggy rock faces. I can fly in close and stand next to people, see their faces in glorious detail, every beautiful wrinkle and blemish, and they don't know I'm there. I can see everything, and I'm awake.

Now, don't be worrying about me! I am not mad. I do know that it is not real, that I am imagining everything inside my tiny brain. But it's real to me at the time, and it's important to me, something that I love to do from time to time. I feel rather like Professor Xavier when I do this, touching minds! But it's not just about people. I first started doing this when I bought a postcard of a satellite picture of the Earth. I'm in love with our world, and I want to see as much of it as I can, and while I can't see it in reality, the next best thing is to imagine it. I don't think I'm meditating, because I don't really know how to do that - although, we have a Buddhist centre in Lancaster, and I'd love to visit that and just learn how to empty my mind and achieve a sense of clarity or a while. But I think my waking dream flying is probably something like meditation. It's an absolute joy to me anyway, and I just thought I'd share it with you.

It was Robbie Williams on the radio that made me think of these things this morning, 'How do you rate the morning sun... I drove to places you have seen...' Those lyrics made me remember my flying.

'I will just call you Teacher.'

I had this ace idea yesterday. I've been trying to make learning interesting for James and Matthew at home, but it just gets a little boring going over the alphabet and numbers in a parrotty sort of way, and they soon get bored of it. Well, when I was tidying their bedroom the other morning - they all share a bedroom, and I hardly ever tidy it because I am too lazy - I discovered Thomas's red desk and chair that we bought for him when he was about 2. And that got me thinking that James and Matthew might enjoy playing 'schools' at home. I remember playing schools when I was little. Role playing was definitely a part of my childhood, though I've only vague memories of getting things ready, of putting things in the right places, getting books out and pencils, making the living room look like a classroom as much as possible. And then me or Noomski would be the teacher, and we'd have to do spellings or sums, and whoever was the teacher would mark them. I remember really loving the feeling of writing a tick in red pen on Noomski's work: it made me feel so grown up, and for a few minutes I would be sure that I wanted to be a teacher when I did grow up.

Anyway, I didn't use the desk with James and Matthew, but I did turn the living room into a classroom. We had a little area in the bay window for story time; we had a place on the carpet for writing practise; we had a corner where we used blocks and built towers and houses and such, and talked about colours and shapes; we had another area for looking at numbers. It was very successful indeed - even I enjoyed myself! I pretended to be the teacher, of course, and when I said that my name was Miss Rawlinson, James pulled a very peculiar face like he thought I was very stupid, and said that he would just call me Teacher instead. They both, even Matthew who is only 2, produced a lot of good work. James wrote his name three times, very beautifully. I have this thing about them learning to write their name before they start school. Thomas was able to do it, James is well on his way to being able to write it by himself, and Matthew will have no problems with it because he is probably a genius.

Here are some photos of our afternoon of home-schooling - please ignore the horrible state of the hideous and horrifying carpet, we need a new one urgently!

And for the sake of equality, here is a picture of Thomas drawing a picture this evening, right after getting ten out of ten for his spellings for the second time in a row after coming home from Beavers and telling me all about the adventures he had there that were tiring and also being extra tired after a string of early mornings and a busy and tiring week that left practically only ten tiring minutes for tirelessly learning said spellings when tired! Phew!

And here is just one more picture, of James demonstrating what happens when we are tired in this house:

Today James made this face, with this sound coming out of it for about an hour: 'wuuuuuuuhh'. Poor kiddo, he's exhausted, because he is 4, and when you are 4 and are going to start school this year you are exhausted at exactly the time you don't really want to be, eh?

I have just become acutely aware that at the beginning of this blog I said that I would not talk about or post pictures of my children! Sorry. But realistically, since I spend twelve or thirteen hours of my day with the little ... fellas, I could hardly keep them out of it now, could I?!

;)

Well, really!

I mean, come on, how am I meant to follow that?! Just sometimes I wish that other people weren't so talented! Yes, I know that's selfish of me, but I can't help it. I'm jealous - there I've said it! So what?!

I have just finished reading the Books of Pellinor by Alison Croggon, just finished, now, this minute. I have never read a book that made me cry so much, as the Fourth Book of Pellinor did. My god, it was beautiful. Absolutely stunning imagery; visions of landscapes, cityscapes, wastelands, mountainous terrain, valleys with vast rivers cutting through them, terrifying citadels besieged by the Dark, open and exposing plains of despair; characters so richly drawn, so alive and real to me as I read. And the ending was so stunning that I cried, real tears, actually sobbed! I'm left somewhat drained now. Blimey. I did enjoy that adventure. But it's always very difficult to decide what to read next - how can anything compare to the beautiful world that I've been stepping into every night? I don't think it can. As usual, I despair of ever finding anything good to read ever again. But it is always so :) Actually, I'm already thinking that Skullduggery Pleasant might be a good one to start next :D Really, I should never have bought so many books over the past ten years - I should have bought one book at a time, and read it, and then bought another one. Mind you, what difference does it make whether I have to choose a book from my own shelves or one from my beloved Waterstones? There are still too many to choose from!

But then there's my writing (that's my writing, in that photo, there). A while ago, I read in Mslexia, in a list of tips on how to complete a novel (can't remember who by, and haven't got time to trawl through my magazines to find the name) that when writing one should never read anything enjoyable, because it makes a writer

feel inadequate and makes their writing bend to the style of the author they're enjoying. And it is completely true - whenever I get to the end of a book I do feel completely useless as a writer. Why the hell would anyone want to read anything I produce?! Of course they wouldn't. I was an idiot even to think that I could write a short story, let alone a novel. But then I take a hold of myself, give me a good shake, pick up my pen (or keyboard) and get on with it. Stop being so wet Linda! The real trouble is that I always want to abandon my current project and write about stuff that I've just been reading - right now I want to put away my writing about childhood memories, and write an epic tale of horseriding and camping out under the stars, keeping watch for magical and malevolent baddies, fighting the forces of EVIL in an adventure that may lead to the deaths of one or more of the protagonists, maybe finding some dragons along the way, but definitely having some LONG and difficult journeys through mountains, valleys, caves, seas, plains, deserts and possibly snow. I want to write that kind of book. I think they might possibly be the hardest to write. Oh. Not IMpossible though :D I am not deterred. I will do my fantasy thing, one day, I will.

We all have Bad Mother days!

Hmm. I'm never happy with myself when I spend the day as I have today. Cleaning! I mean, really, why can't cleaning just do itself?! And I blummin hate doing the cleaning during the week, when I'm meant to be spending fabulous time with the kiddies, doing learning and playing and laughing and all that good stuff. This cleaning thing happens to me out of the blue, and I can't control it at all, not a thing I can do about it. I'll come in the house after dropping Thomas off at school, and I'll look at my house and hang my head in shame for a second ... then I roll my sleeves up, set the two littlies off playing something that will keep them amused for ages - usually Playmobil :D - and then I'm away, like a little tornado, ruthlessly sorting, binning, recycling, scrubbing, polishing, folding and mopping. It takes me until lunch time, and then voila! - the place barely looks any different!!! Aaaaaaggh! I'm in purgatory!

I hate these days though, because although I do make a little headway with the piles of mess around the house, it's at the expense of James and Matthew. I mean, they're great at playing by themselves, and most of the time play beautifully together. But I want to play too!

No worries though - I'm not moaning really. I'll do loads of playing tomorrow :) Who cares what the hell my house looks like?! Most of the time I don't really care, as long as we have a good time. But I have these days from time to time, when it really gets to me. And my house isn't even really that bad - at least we can see the floor! And it is clean - it's messy, but it's not dirty.

I have nothing inspiring to write about on cleaning days. My brain is full of dust bunnies. I

think the best thing to do at the end of a cleaning day is to go to bed and read and fill my head up with fantastical imaginings :) Tomorrow morning is a writing morning :D :D :D :D :D I will be more relaxed after that. I think I will high me to Costa Coffee to chill out with some words and some Earl Grey and pastries, and some stunning views of the Lake District (if it's clear, which it hasn't been since I first started frequenting Costa a few weeks ago!)

Inspirations.

I found the blog for Kristin Cashore, the author of Graceling. What a lovely lady. I found her book completely by accident in Borders (*sniffs, sad at the loss of the most perfect bookshop*), had never heard of it, and had not seen it publicised anywhere. It was a fantastic book. My only criticism was that there wasn't more of it - I could have read a whole epic series of ten books! As it is there is only one book about Katsa, the heroine, so far. I hope there will be more. Anyway, Kristin's blog is lovely. She writes so beautifully, but seems completely normal at the same time. I believe she is 33, so about the same age as me (I will be 33 in a few weeks!), and I always feel like I'm reading the diary of a teenager, she has such an infectious enthusiasm for life, and her words exude a heartfelt joy at being alive. Her blog makes me smile - particularly the latest entry, in which she includes photos of her latest trapeze lesson! She's in my blog list (This is My Secret) if you'd like to check her out - even if you haven't read her work, she writes a good blog :)

Start of a new half-term today :D And as we all know, I love new beginnings. New beginnings can be found all over the place. I tend to have a new beginning every week - usually on a Monday. And if it's the start of a particularly large new beginning it makes me extra happy. The whole of January is the biggest new beginning for me, and I'm insufferably cheerful, when everyone else is glum :D Ha ha! February is not so much of a beginning, but it does bring me closer to my birthday in April, and birthdays always symbolise a new beginning, naturally. Friday is always the beginning of the weekend. Wednesday is the beginning of the middle of the week! 7.30pm in the evening is the beginning of a new evening all to myself! 6.30am is the beginning of a new day, every day, in which I might achieve something very good. The 1st of every month, is obviously a new beginning. Around the 15th of every month is the start of the second half of the month, and if the first half hasn't gone too well I have the opportunity to begin the month again in the middle. See, I am horribly optimistic and cheerful, almost all the time :D (Kev thinks that I am not, he thinks that I'm moody and horrid quite a lot of the time, but he's wrong :D )

I am off for a write now. I'm doing character profile sheets for some of the new characters that I've added to my book. I need to get to know them better and filling in a profile sheet is ideal as it makes me just come up with answers without thinking about them too much, and I find that I know the character a lot better after ten minutes of thinking about what food they like, what their political leanings are, what their motivations might be, etc., etc. So I'm going to do more of that this morning. I don't have the full morning though, as my mum is coming for a visit. That will be lovely. She has more free time all of a sudden, on account of her promotion at work - well done Mum, very proud of you :D

Have a cheery day you lot.

Me and the kiddies at Hallowe'en! Yes, I know it's February now, but I just found this photo and thought 'why not?'!

Spaced out.

I really should have gone to bed ages ago, but isn't it amazing how something as unreal as a blog can suck you in and steal your time? Weird. I just popped on here to write a quick entry, and now an hour has gone by in which I have adjusted and readjusted the layout of my blog, only to put it back to the way it was originally, almost.

I am feeling weird today because of a lack of sleep last night. I probably didn't need to have as little sleep as I did, but when we wake in the night we don't always think clearly do we? Matthew seemed to have a sore tummy, and spent the night whimpering and wriggling. I stayed with him in the hopes that I might soothe him to sleep, but also to make sure that he didn't get too shouty and wake up the others. *Sighs* - if only I had made the decision to get him a couple of rich tea biscuits and a glass of milk, I needn't have spent the day feeling as though I was a tiny little version of me trapped inside the head of a big body that didn't quite work properly! I did think about getting him a little something to eat at about 1am, but then I had another thought, that it wasn't the right thing to do. Why did I think that? *Sighs again*

Sleeplessness is a very strange thing isn't it? After having a night of no sleep at all - it's happened to me several times over the past few years, for various reasons, not just kids - and the day after is just surreal. I spend the day in this kind of unreality, where I feel I'm almost on the verge of taking off into the air for a bit of a fly around and a look about. It feels like my body doesn't belong to me, that my eyes are set right back in my head and that if I could look behind me I would see my own brain. It's kind of interesting, and it doesn't really bother me to be that tired. Although I wouldn't want to feel this way too often! I wonder if I had another night of no sleep, would I start to hallucinate? It certainly seems possible the way my brain is behaving at the moment. I don't really fancy that though - the main reason I never took drugs

was because I didn't think I would be able to stand that feeling of being out of control and seeing things I didn't want to see. I like to be in control of the conscious parts of my mind really.

Anyway. I can't write about the actual real day that we had today as it feels like it happened about seven years ago :) I think it was nice and there was a little fresh air involved, but I can't really pin down the rest of the details!

Byeeeeee.

This is a picture of the moon, taken from my living room window. I keep trying to get a really good picture of it when it's full, but I need a good telephoto lens for my camera. I think they're rather expensive though! I'll keep trying - one day I'll get that perfect shot :)

Garden birds, and how kids break your heart.

There's something so bittersweet about taking my eldest son Thomas to do something new and exciting. This week he has been at the half-term sports club almost every day (he had a day off yesterday as it was just getting a bit much for him, he just wanted to spend one of his holiday days with us doing something relaxing and fun). And my heart has broken every morning as I've said goodbye to him. I have let him go into the sports hall with cuddles and kisses (discreet ones of course, there are loads of other very cool kids there, and I wouldn't want to embarrass my poor little fella!), and I have watched from the window as he valiantly joins in with the game that's in progress, putting on a brave smile, trying to talk to other kids who are not interested in making a new friend because they already have their school friends with them. Thomas has been alone all week, none of his friends from school signed up for the club. Okay, so all that I've described so far has been bitter. I know what he feels, how the shyness rises up from your stomach, through your chest, affecting your breathing, elevating your heart rate, constricting your throat so that you feel you might choke to death, how it causes your vocal chords to do something strange so that when you pluck up the courage to talk you sound like some kind of Frank Oz character!! I see other kids looking at Thomas as if he's a bit odd, or rather ignoring him completely, not even registering his presence in the room. I know that feeling, and it's not nice.

BUT. Thomas keeps trying. Thomas is not daunted. Thomas overcomes his shyness, and ignores the fact that it's hard to fit in, that it's difficult to break into a group of firm friends, that not many people understand his quirkiness and his differentness. And the fact that he is able to stay in a room where all these things are happening makes me feel an overwhelming sense of awe for Thomas. He is amazing. I am proud of him, incredibly. I love that he is a bit odd, that his friends at school are still not sure how to take him, that they look at him like he's weird when he starts telling them a long story about his weekend adventures, but are still fond of him anyway. Eventually his friends will have enough maturity to be able to deal with how they feel about Thomas, and they will learn that he is a loyal and precious friend, and that they wouldn't be without him. They will appreciate his kindness when he takes care of them when they need it.

It would be the easiest wish in the world, for me to want Thomas to change, to be like every other child so that he can fit in easily and not be looked at the way he is. But I don't really want that. I want him to stay just as he is, perfect. Overcoming the challenges that he does can only serve to make him strong and wise, and that is so important.

Not related to Thomas, but this morning I saw two blackbirds, a collared dove and two goldfinches in my garden, when I was making my coffee (I have started drinking coffee and I don't know why!! I am tempted to buy some proper coffee and get out the cafetiere, what is happening to me?!). I haven't seen a collared dove for a couple of years, so this is a very nice development. This afternoon, because the weather is beautiful today, we will be assembling that new feeding station. We couldn't do it the other day because we ran out of time, and yesterday was a horrible day weather-wise. I will take some pictures of the boys in the garden :)

How I love my blog - even though no-one is following me yet!

Spring is here today. It definitely is. There was frost this morning, but it was evaporating from the fence panels as the sun came up, and was whisping away into the water cycle!

Shopping for nice things.

About nineteen or twenty goldfinches in our garden yesterday, just before the sun set :) I saw seventeen a couple of weeks ago, but thought they were just passing through. Perhaps they are staying after all. We have a feeding station in our garden, in one of the borders, but I thought we might get another one to encourage even more. They love thistle seed, so I've got some more of that too. But we want to attract all kinds of birds. I have seed of all kinds, but only ever see one blue tit. We usually have one or two robins, and a pair of blackbirds. We used to have collared doves, but I haven't seen them for a long time. We did have hundreds (well, dozens) of starlings, but I stopped putting out the suet pellets because the little blighters were taking over the garden and scaring away the little ones. Watching the birds, from my kitchen window, as they feed and squabble, is one of my favourite things to do :) They just make me smile, and feel contented. If I spot them as I'm passing the window I always have to stop and watch for a while, no matter what I'm doing or if I'm in a rush.

This is our new feeding station - it's very posh! Got lots of hangers for the feeders and for fat balls. It's very wet today though, so I won't get to put it out. I'm hoping for a dry day soon, if not a warm one! Maybe we'll see some more blue tits then. I'd like to see a chaffinch, but I've never seen one around our garden at all. I did see a green finch a couple of times - that was very exciting :D

This feeding station is going in the opposite border, and then the whole garden will be filled with birds - that's the plan anyway. I'm looking forward to Spring and Summer :) And we are going to move the bird box that we have - apparently it's on the wrong wall, and we need to fix it to the house because the kitchen wall faces the right way.

Hmmm. Wished we could live in the proper countryside. I'd like a goat and some chickens :)

How do they grow up so fast?

I have a word, but I don't know how to spell it! It's quite a primal sounding word, that suggests horror and fear and heartbreak. It's something like ... uuuugggh. And it describes the feeling that I felt half an hour ago when I left Thomas at the college round the corner from our house. Thomas is only 6, and really a little young to be going to college (though I'm sure he's brighter than a lot of students that I've seen milling around there!) - I've packed him off to the half-term sports club. He looked up at me at one point with tears in his eyes and a wobble on his chin, and said in a tiny whisper 'I don't want to stay here.' Uuuuuuugggh! It was all I could do to stop myself from whisking him out of there and bringing him home for some toast and hot chocolate and some DVDs and cuddles on the couch!! But I steeled myself, and told him, in a very kindly way, that he would be fine, that he would have fun, that he would regret it if he didn't at least give it a try. And all these things are true, of course. So he stayed, and he looked happy and gave me a thumbs up as I was leaving. He's a confident little lad, and I know he will do much better than I ever did in those situations. When I was about 9, I was taken, with my flute, to play in an orchestra for a day - it was like a little musical workshop I suppose, with children from all over the district. I was nervous as hell, and when the opportunity arose about ten minutes into the morning session, I bolted through the open door and almost made it right out of the building. My own music teacher was there however, and stopped me and brought me back inside. I spent the whole day fudging my way through pieces of music that were far too advanced for me, and was thoroughly miserable. But I regret my attitude enormously - I wish I could have had more gumption, and could have just got on with it and learnt something that day. Well, I did learn that being shy is a right pain in the backside - but I didn't get over it for another thirteen years or so! I have now been unshy for ten years :D Thomas is not at all like me, and he can do anything he wants to do.

Here is Thomas. He's ace. He's brave enough to go to school with pink hair on Breast Cancer Awareness Mufti Day!!! He's brave enough to go to school with a High School Musical lunchbox. Yeah, he gets laughed at for some of the things he does, but he's never discouraged, he dances to his own beat and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. How cool is that?! I'm so proud of him, every day.

Off to do a bit of writing while the house is empty :)

Crook o' Lune

:) We had a lovely day today. It was all to do with fresh air and the Great Outdoors. We let James try cycling again - he's doing incredibly well for someone who was only 4 a couple of weeks ago. That's James there, at the front of the picture. He can cycle by himself, but needs to work on the setting off and stopping. He can do it all by himself, but needs someone beside him to remind how to start and stop, lol. It's so exciting. Thomas, the tall one in the middle there, was very encouraging with James. He's so excited that his little brother can ride - they'll be riding to school together very soon, and I'll be running to keep up, pushing Matthew in his pram because he's still too small to make it to school and back on his own feet.

After the cycling, we went for a walk around the Crook of the Lune, and that was so nice. The last time we did that little walk Thomas was an only child, though I was pregnant with James. It was lovely to retrace our steps today. Matthew did walk the whole way by himself, and enjoyed his little adventure thoroughly. I was very proud of them all today. There was lots of scrambling involved, and climbing up big steps in places, but I didn't hear a complaint from any of them. I think it helps that the weather was excellent today - we've taken them lots of places to walk, and usually Matthew ends up being carried after a while. But he doesn't seem to work properly in the cold! Fair enough. He'll be much better at walking next Winter when he'll be 3.

Writing doesn't really happen at the weekend. We usually walk somewhere, or do something somewhere outside, and then we're all exhausted by tea time. I'm going to try and write a few hundred words before I go to sleep after this. I feel in the mood, so might as well do something :)

It's half term this week, but I still have my 3 mornings off because Thomas is at sports club. I wish he wasn't because I enjoy spending time with him in the holidays, but he asked to go and it will be a lot of fun for him, so I couldn't really say no!

I think I am getting used to this blog lark now :D I've added my blog list at the side there, and look, I'm following three blogs so far :) It's very, very nice to read about other people's lives - I didn't think I'd be all that interested, but I love it. I will have to try very hard not to get sucked in though - I cannot spend all my time reading blogs!

Night.

Layout?

Why do some blogs fill the whole browser? Why's mine just in the middle of the page? I want it to be wider. How do I do that? I can't find anything that adjusts the margins. Well, there's the Html, but I don't fancy messing about with that because, aside from the basics that I learnt on a little course years ago, I know nothing about that stuff. Well, never mind.

I'm posting summery pictures here at the moment, because I'm cold! I don't usually mind the cold, enjoy wrapping up warm and snuggly and getting out in the fresh air and enjoying the crispness. But this year I'm yearning for Spring and Summer. I'm missing it for some reason. I always thought I was a Winter person, didn't like being too hot (not that it ever really has been too hot in this country!). But I think the kids have made me enjoy Summer. We spend most of the time outside and just messing about, and we love it. We're lucky to have a nice garden - well, it's nice now that we've finished doing the big stuff to it. Actually it's a mess at the moment, and needs its Spring clean :) But that will be so nice to do.

Anyway. Noomski did come over yesterday. We had a good meeting, and decided on quite a lot of details for our project. We both have lots to do before our next meeting, Noomski more than me I think. His work involves more hours than mine, so I will put in the work once the project is completed and do the finding of the agent/publisher and all that. I don't know what I'm doing at all, but I have more of an idea than Noomski because I've got my magical Writers' and Artists' Yearbook!! It's like my writing almanac, has an answer for every question I pose. In the meantime I have to do some writing. And I have to have some writing for Noomski to illustrate by next week. I think I can manage it, now that I've found the story. I found it this morning, while I was making breakfast :) Now I just have to get down to the business of finding the right words. I've never done this kind of writing before, so we'll just see how I get on. I'm a bit nervous, but excited :)

I'm also continuing with my own writing as well. I'll devote about a third of my time to the Noomski project, and the rest to my own. That should be about the right balance. I did some good stuff on my own book yesterday. I had to write my way out of a spell of blandness, but I did it. Invariably, if I keep writing whatever pops into my head I get rid of the dross, and its place is filled with something much better. That's always comforting. When boring stuff starts to appear on the page I always have this moment of dread, in which I imagine that it's all over, that I've lost the words and that I'll never get them back, and that I'm going to have to find something else to fill the void left by the absence of writing. And then something marvellous just comes out of the pen - just as if I've received an inspiration particle :) I was just telling Noomski in a text, that it's like trying to get through a labyrinth, and your finished piece of work is at the end, but to get to it you have to go down the wrong path lots of times, backtrack a bit and then carry on. The wrong turns are useful because they show you what doesn't work, and you learn from them. It's fascinating.

Anyway, I'm now off to print off pictures for my diary. I'm looking for stunning scenery and hidden wonders. I usually put family pictures in my diary, but today I fancy looking at some inspiring sights. Oh! Not that I mean that my family isn't inspiring!!!! It is - my children are the most inspiring creatures in the world, of course :D

Aha - they need titles!

In my excitement and eagerness to begin blogging, I did not notice the Title box up there! I wondered why all the other blogs had headings and mine didn't. Idiot!

Here is a picture of me and Noomski. Noomski is

not his real name, you understand - he just doesn't like his real name, so out of respect I call him something even more stupendous. He can't physically say my name in my presence, the word just won't form, so he calls me Susan. Ridiculous, I know, that together we are Noomski and Susan - not what our parents intended at all. But there you go, such are the mysteries of life.

The photo has not gone where I put it. Hmmm. Maybe it will come out where I intended it to once I click that publish button. Such are the mysteries of technology! Noomski will not like that photo, but since he pulls ridiculously grotesque faces at the merest glimpse of a camera we're not likely to find a decent 'normal' photo of him anywhere.

Sorry. Didn't really mean to post twice in one day. Just excited about having a 'real' blog! Will go and make some delicious and nutritious food for my family now :) (I am not a mummy who stays on the computer all day long while my kids run wild around me, I hasten to add.)

Well, this is a funny thing - I've come home from dropping the kids off at school, and I actually feel like blogging. I will do this for a few minutes before getting down to some novelling.

Tonight my brother - Noomski - is coming round for a top secret meeting. We had an idea for a little project, and he is coming to discuss ideas. We have many things to look at for our research, and many notes to take. It's a very simple idea, but it will take quite a serious amount of planning and discussion. We are going to collaborate on something exciting. I won't say what it is yet, incase it doesn't get off the ground. But I have a positive feeling about the project, because this year is mine and Noomski's first official Year of Achievement :) I have a Book of Achievements, that I write in at the end of every day - alright, the achievements are sometimes as banal as managing to get the washing up done on a day when I'm tired, but it makes me find something positive in each day even if I've been thinking that I've achieved nothing at all, and I go to bed feeling good about myself. Quite often though I've achieved lots in a day. I get three mornings a week to write, and at the moment I'm getting plenty done. And when I've done well in the morning, it has the knock on effect of making me want to write more in the evenings. Smashing :)

I feel that I should include a picture in every post - is it absolutely necessary? I dunno, but photos are important to me, so I shall put 'em in. There is a shortage of photos of me, because I am usually the one behind the camera - because it is MY camera! Millions of photos of my kids, but to be honest, I don't really want to put photos of my kids on here because this is a blog about MEEEEEEE! There are photos of the kiddies on facebook, which you can see if you are my friend :)

Well, I am going to go and do some writing on The Big Project now. Then I will look into agents after that. Who knows which agent is the right one? How does one go about approaching an agent? What if one is having trouble finding an agent? Is it better to go it alone, and not use an agent at all? I doubt it, not for me at any rate, since I'm a complete novice and know nothing about negotiating and publishing deal :S All questions for the Writers' and Artists' Yearbook, which is winging its way to me as we speak; it might even arrive today!

I like this blog - it is far, far, far easier than the one I was using (though not 'arf as pretty :( ). I will post a link to this from my website I think.

Ooh, this is different ... hang on.

He he ... little nervous about writing a blog that someone might actually read! Was blogging on my website (http://www.lindaannerawlinson.co.uk) but it was a bit of a nightmare uploading it all the time, and it kept getting bigger and slower. So I've decided to join in, and play with everyone else at blogging. I believe I can add some images? Lemmesee ...

Hmm. This is the most recent image of me, and I look a bit freaky! I've looked better :S

Right, well. What should I write? I suppose I should start again really. No, I'll just do a quick recap:

I am Linda, 33 in a few weeks, best buddy of Kev, mum of three marvellous boys,who has been to Uni and done a degree in drama, who has done a proper job with proper wages before becoming a full time mummy, who has toyed with the idea of becoming a teacher, an admin person, a midwife and a writer, and who has decided to be a writer and a midwife (unless the writing become so amazingly successful that she is propelled into riches and celebrity and doesn't need to do anything else)!

So, today's achievements have been nothing to do with writing, so far. Been enjoying some bloody freezing fresh air - though not as cold as Mongolia, which I understand has been -50˚ - and taking photos of the view of the Lake District from the park :) Stunning views on days like this - we could see the snowcapped peaks very clearly.

Will be achieving much writing tomorrow morning, absolutement! No questions, no excuses, no procrastination, no day-dreaming; writing from nine o'clock until one. I've been doing very well with my current project over the past fortnight - I think I've written about 12,000 words, which is very good considering that I can only write in the evenings. I'm very pleased with myself :) I don't know exactly how many words, because I hand write, and I'm not in a rush to type this story up yet because I don't want to interrupt the flow. If I stop to type it all up I'll lose my way, I'm sure. So I'm just writing and writing until the ideas dry up. That'll be the point when I type up and start to fill in any gaps. Good job I enjoy typing up!

I am going to finish my first novel this year, yes I am - writing one, that is, not reading! It might be a load of bunkum, but at least I will have finished something. I'm not sure I've ever really finished a thing properly before - isn't that rubbish?! Well, I have been rubbish for most of my life really. I'm not rubbish now though. Oh no, I'm pretty darned ace now :) All motivated and driven and focused and excited and happy and contented and bubbling over with joy at being alive - actually, those are pretty annoying traits, and I'm surprised anyone can even stand to talk to me if I'm really all those things!

Well, that will do for a first post. I believe I will enjoy this proper-blogging lark. Ta ta.